I envy you who did not tremble at any unexpected call
at any unusual hour
announcing your cousin’s miscalculated overdose
or brother’s narc sweep imprisonment
a father’s sudden hospitalization
facing proven fears that they won’t be cared for
the grandmother naked and afraid shot in her apartment
a boy playing alone killed in seconds
the kid walking home from the store, murdered
a fiancé, celebrating his impending nuptials,
bullet riddled with friends in his car
the father waiting for his son to come home from school
executed while he backed up, away
a wallet mistaken as a gun, as an immigrant
mistaken for some other, stood in the doorway of his own home
had his unfulfilled promise swiss cheesed by lead
the young woman playing video games with her nephew, slain
through her open window, the woman rescuer,
asleep at home, annihilated while she slept
all by domestic enforcers of our states of misbeing
those designated to maintain peace, secure order
destructive in their misguided executions of dubious duty
systemic thoughtlessness, misapprehensions
protected by uniform and badge and privilege
and endless assumptions of others’ guilt
without second thought or even breath
I envy you who don’t know this who never knew this
automatic cessation of futures,
this swift and peculiar severance
impetuous eradications pernicious annihilations
lives ended for minute infractions
imagined slights, no reason whatsoever,
sometimes, too often, arbitrary impulsive slaughter
to find this strange and shocking in its terribleness
I’m glad you find it inconceivably awful
I envy you for whom this is news
for whom this is new
and perhaps you will demand it change