I fear the shower
the slick tub
the silky bubbles
the muscles’ release after a tough day
 
all the reasons you love it
scare me
 
I could die in there
 
crack my head
and be more f’ed up
than I already am
 
I should have gotten the bar
when N. offered it
but my job doesn’t really
pay for remodeling
when there are 3 mouths
to feed
and clothe
 
I mean 3 bodies
 
distinct
needy
bodies
 
it rains so much here
 
leaves fall moldy
unbeautiful
 
enough rain that tourists
clear out
what I’m saying is
my roof has to work
way before I get my bar
 
can’t stop talking about money
because
when your body doesn’t work
nothing else gets fixed either
 
then you are disabled
and more sad, let’s say sadder
much sadder
 
bars used to be places
I checked my lipstick
and stuck out my tits
 
now, I need one to hold
on to so I don’t
don’t more
 
dent more,
that’s it
 
dent, I choose you
 
please don’t choose me
 
all of you who enjoy
your bath time
I’m so happy for you (nahh,
you know I don’t mean it)
 
I’m jealous of your ease
I’m the light in the bubbles
circling round the shiny drain
 
I’m the refracted light
 
watch it and think of
something bent, determined
to be beautiful