at rallies, the same phrase
on his promotional hat.
As rotund as the Capitol’s Rotunda,
he says Kenny is a loser for being poor.
Kyle is a loser too, for being a Jew.
The rally-goers chant We respect
your authority! as Cartman
does a dead-on impersonation
of Hitler. He loves to destroy synagogues
for fun. He brags that when he dressed
as der Führer on Halloween,
and Principal Victoria tried to change him
into a ghost, Cartman became
a Klansman instead. Cute! Cute!
shout the rally-goes. But don’t call him
a racist—one of his best friends is Chef
and he brags that he backed him
when the school cook wanted
a new, less bigoted town flag.
Only Cartman knows how to beat
the system—posing as a disabled kid
to enter the Special Olympics.
He reminisces that he tried
to earn millions once by donating
a kidney to someone who really needed it.
The rally-goers laugh, then chant
We respect your authority! Then Cartman yells,
What about my beautiful girlfriend Heidi?
even though she’s not there. What he
doesn’t say is that Heidi’s just left,
“If you always make yourself the victim,
you can justify being awful… I’m breaking
up with you.” Cartman doesn’t take no
for an answer. He knows how
to destroy the Burning Man Festival
and San Francisco. And he loves revenge—
he will get a pony to bite the penises off
of anyone who’s bullied him.
Cartman can get the local “redneck”
to kill on his behalf. All this is true.
You can look it up. By the way, in episode 14,
he re-starts the Civil War.
