Checklist for Inevitable Sámi Diaspora Misunderstanding or How Sámi Do Not Have a Word for Artificial Snow

  1. Say that you can hear the heartbeat of a reindeer
    inside the earth.
  2. Say you are something they’ve never heard of
    (at least up to 15 kHz, that is).
  3. Give advice about decolonization. And you mean
    them and yourself, and how you can hardly walk
    atop muskeg now.
  4. Talk too much, explain too much, unsay so much,
    with your highly vascularized tongue and talk story
    until the herd comes home.
  5. Tie your tongue in knots of shame when you speak
    in your children’s ancestral language and you don’t
    know how to speak in yours.
  6. Remain suspect, pawing through artificial snow,
    when you try to explain on Twitter who the Sámi are.
    Use the few words of Northern Sámi you know.
    Brace for attack. Enrage a user. Block him.
  7. Mention cultural awakening and then be accused
    of wheeze snorting.
  8. Translate your life history through their eyes
    when it’s impossible because your eyes turn blue
    in winter and brown in summer.
  9. Scratch yourself open so you can prove you bleed snow
    like lake water mixed with snow on top of ice.
  10. Reach up and yank your hollow hairs out every time
    you are misunderstood.